Friday, November 6, 2015

To My Forever Friends

Over the last week, I have been contemplating the friendships I've maintained/made while living in Kirksville the past three years. As an adult, I realize that I don't have to be friends with everyone (something we are taught as a child and that I have some thoughts regarding- another post, another day). Each friendship I've developed or held onto is my choice and those friends have made me a better person since coming home to Kirksville three years ago, broken and not very trusting. I have known some of my friends for ten years, while others have slipped into my life during the last three years. Regardless, each friend knows me and, as I said, made me a better Nikki- the person I was afraid to be. 

I had a hard time grasping the fact that I was actually leaving these people that I had so carefully chosen to keep in my life, and as one friend pointed out to me, I felt like Rachel Green when she had to tell her friends goodbye and excluded Ross. Of course, Rachel and Ross had a different kind of history than my friends and I, but the sentiment is the same. Rachel says this, and it has been looping in my head: Because it is too damn hard, Ross! I cannot even begin to explain to you how much I am going to miss you! When I think about not seeing you everyday, it makes me not want to go! 

She goes on to tell him that she didn't say goodbye because he means more to her, but I couldn't leave Kirksville without telling my friends I loved them and giving one more hug for now. The goodbyes are hard, and I may have seemed cool as a cucumber and kept myself together as I hugged each of you and promised to visit (which I will do). Inside, however, my heart was breaking, and I was thinking, It is too damn hard

I wanted to tell my friends in a way that I know best, my writing, that this move has been one of the hardest decisions of my life. Not a day has gone by that I haven't seen some of you, thought about you, or made plans with you. I may make friends when I move, but it will be different than the friends I found in Kirksville. You have pushed me to be brave again and believed in me, like getting my first (and second and third) tattoo, singing a cappella karaoke when they didn't have the track we wanted and climbing a waterfall and falling backwards into the little pool of water. Even more, you've taught me to believe in myself. I think you all helped "Nikki get her groove back." 😊 

As I drove out of Kirksville this morning, I cried. Not for the small town that was my home for so long but for the friends that I was leaving there. You are amazing, my forever friends, and I love you all to the moon and back. As Anne Shirley once said,  
"Kindred spirits are not so scarce as I used to think. It's splendid to find out there are so many of them in the world."

I was blessed to find all of you in one place. 

Arreviderci and au revoir (until we meet again),


1 comment:

Serenity said...

You said damn! I know exactly what you're saying here. I felt totally loved as you made the decision, but I wouldn't have held you back for the world. It's Paris after all! (Oh, wait, that was Rachel. Well you know how some people say that Ft. Worth is the Paris of Texas.)